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What We Do

write a letter

 TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK 

Welcome to dearperp 

breaking the silence on sexual violence.

As victims of sexual violence ourselves, we are keenly aware of the detrimental after-effects.  We unwillingly became a member of a secret club of approximately 22 million U.S. victims (1) who remain largely silent about the violence they have experienced and its effects on their life.  We understand why that silence exists, but remaining silent will not help victims or prevent sexual violence.      

"Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." ~ Elie Wiesel

 

We've created a website were victims of sexual violence can write a letter to share their experiences and the devastation that follows anonymously.  By letting victims share their pain and show the extent of their suffering, we can reveal the true impact sexual violence is having on our society and begin to change the culture and policies that are creating more victims.

If you or a loved one has been a victim of:

Who We Are
for Victims

 

  • Share your experiences of the after-effects of sexual violence anonymously

  • Find a community of victims just like you.

  • Find resources to help you along your journey of healing.

our INITIATIVES

 

  • Understanding the aftermath of sexual violence.

  • Keeping kids safe from sexual violence.

  • Ideas on how to reform the norm that sexual violence has become in the U.S.

  • Legislative initiatives to change public policy.

  • Research in finding better paths to healing from sexual violence.

Many do not understand the lifetime of suffering that victims go through after the assault is over or the abuse has stopped.  It is estimated by Rainn (2020) that "1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime" (2)  That's an estimated 26,166,666 (or 26.1 million (3) women who are current victims of sexual violence in the US.  That does not include men who are also victims of sexual violence.  That does not include numbers outside of the U.S. either.  The number of victims is egregious.

 

While people know a lot about sexual violence, victims rarely share what happens afterwards.  One mental health statistic shows that 94% of victims of sexual violence suffer from PTSD and, according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (2020) (4), more women suffer from PTSD than men. Without the consequences of sexual violence being widely known, the cycle of sexual violence is perpetuated.  

 

We hear instances of things like:

why we do it

 
  • Adult Rape

  • Child Sexual Abuse

  • College Rape

  • Date Rape

  • Elderly Rape

  • Handicapped Rape

  • Inmate Rape

  • LGBTQ+ Rape

  • Military Sexual Abuse

  • Partner Rape

  • Pornography

  • Sex Trafficking

  • Sexual Harassment

  • Stalking

 
 

“Well it wouldn’t have happened if...” 

  • If she wasn’t on drugs,

  • if he wasn’t gay, if she hadn’t been wearing that,

  • if he wasn’t in prison,

  • if she wasn’t a “tease”,

  • if their parents had been more responsible 

When we make these statements we are justifying sexual violence under certain conditions.  This just emboldens perpetrators

 

 

 

“Little children don’t remember the abuse.”

The trauma of childhood sexual violence can result in dissociative amnesia, a mental health disorder.

 

 

 

"Women who are actually raped do not get pregnant because their body “shuts down”.

"Almost 3 million women in the U.S. experienced Rape-Related Pregnancy (RRP) during their lifetime."  according to the CDC. (5)

 

 

 

 

“We don’t talk about family issues outside of the family.”

I will be complicit in criminal behavior in order to protect my reputation or the reputation of my family.

 

 

"Lawyers counseling victims to settle for money and then sign a non-disclosure agreement, allowing perpetrators to hide their transgressions."

Perpetrators can pay money to abuse someone and the law will look the other way.

 

 

 

 

Lighter sentences for sex offenders.

The law emboldens perpetrators and minimizes the after-effects of sexual violence by not pursuing stronger sentencing. 

Our quest at Dearperp is to end sexual violence, but we cannot do that without your voice.  Please consider joining our site and telling your story.  Not a victim?  You can still help!   Check out our Initiative section to see how you can get involved.

BREAK THE SILENCE ON SEXUAL VIOLENCE

All of these examples point to deep cultural ignorance on sexual violence and public policies that to not deter sexual violence properly.  Sexual violence is wreaking havoc on our society and we cannot be silent anymore. Here is a sampling of what victims may suffer from:

  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

  • Dissociation

  • Disinhibited Attachment Disorder

  • Drug and alcohol abuse

  • Eating disorders

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

This list barely scrapes the surface of what life is like for victims of sexual violence. 

If you or a loved one are a victim of sexual violence, please consider joining our site and telling your story.  Your story will be published with anonymity and we do not store records that attach members to their stories for you privacy protection.  We know sharing your story can be scary and we want you to feel safe so you can be honest about your struggles.  

Do you have a family member that was convicted for sexual violence?  You are a victim too!  Please consider joining and sharing your story.  Your privacy is important and your story will be published without any identity.  Help us break the cycle of sexual violence.  

We don't just need victims to speak up, we need everyone to make ending sexual violence a priority.  We have ways to help even if you are not a victim.  Check out our Initiatives section to learn more about sexual violence and find out how you can help.

Thank you for visiting dearperp.org!  We hope you will join us in the fight to end sexual violence!

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Resources used:

(1) rainn.org

(2) rainn.org

(3) census.gov

(4) ptsd.va.gov

(5) cdc.gov

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